The Background: Tidy up before you take that dating app photo!

Dear Latino Guy: Before you eagerly take
a semi-naked selfie for Grinder...how about
tidying up your hotel room?

On Grindr, it's all about your photo. Your whole marketing effort needs to be squeezed into a few measly pixels, displayed on small screen devices in a grid. You need to sell yourself and you need to have a photo that says something about you. Or something about what you want. Your profile photo is not allowed to be nude, you have to be partially covered. Therefore, most of the profile photos tend to be rather dull. Selfies taken when on holiday, just out on the street, or in bed one night (with the covers on).  It is when you go into private chat with someone, things get a lot more interesting. In private chat, anything goes. I really mean anything. Anything. You are bombarded with close-ups of someone's ding-dong. Someone's rectal area. Or both, sometimes in the same picture. 

Dear Jack. How about cleaning up that dirty sock before you take
a selfie. Perhaps also the toilet roll on your bed?!

As you chat to the guys you exchange photos. You have to market yourself and your photos should put yourself in your best light. I get photos from the yummyest guys. However, lately I have started to look at not just the guy but also the background. Can you tell something about someone from their background? You probably can. One night, a young guy who is still a teenager sends me his picture. I did ask for full profile. That's what I got. But as a bonus, I also got a lot more. Standing in his white socks and black boxers, right on top of a dirty (and probably smelly) t-shirt tossed on floor. Incredibly sexy. As your eyes wander down to the floor, you notice he is probably standing in his younger brother's room, or his room from when he was much younger, as you can't help but chuckle at the carpet with drawings of roads, a castle, and cute little houses. Clearly something you would have in the room of a 5-year-old. Then, as your eyes cast wider and further back, you realise all the messy clothes just tossed on the bed, and the delightful smelly socks just tossed in the corner on the floor in the back. This guy is certainly a keeper, being so tidy, and taking so much care before he takes a photo of himself. The unkept bed that had probably not been made for years, really seals the deal for me. I politely tell him I am not interested but don't have a heart to tell him why I'm not interested. Sorry Mr - you just killed all hope of a hookup with that photo. At least for me.

You may be hot Mr....but your messy bed is not!

As you look through the grid of guys, you realise that the background says a lot about them. Photography does not just freeze time, it also captures what you were doing and where you are at the time. A short microsend in time that is captured forever and then displayed on the app. Browsing through the grid I chuckle from the guys who put up photos of themselves and their mum. Or even more interesting, themselves and their gran. Yes I realise it was a good photo and you just recycled it, but really? 

There is a high proportion of bathroom mirrors in the backgrounds. And beaches, water, blue sky. Clearly, we all think we look our best when we go on holiday somewhere. But there are always a few guys who stand out from the rest. The Romanian-looking guy for example. Standing in full profile, smiling, he looks really cute. Only one problem - it looks like he is standing in the middle of some decrepit warehouse. The huge logs of firewood certainly stand out, so does the industrial lighting and the dilapidated, dirty walls. Some odd looking machinery that seems not to have been used for the past 30 years next to a huge pile of sawdust gives you the impression this must be some place to work. Then, as your eyes glance just above the white and yellow curtains, a huge wooden cross on the wall. Perhaps it's his family's business? I do wonder if his strictly catholic parents know their son is soliciting for casual "fun" on Grindr. Probably best they never find out.

Days go by and I get a message from "new to the area". I welcome him to the area of course, and he sends me a selfie. This one looks pretty standard. Nice guy, taken his top off, average but nice body, and a really nice, subtle smile. Brown eyes, cute curly hair. What more can you want? Except - you look at the background again. This reveals a bookshelf with what looks to be CDs. I didn't think anyone had CDs anymore. But then, on the shelf above, visible just behind his head, are two books in the bookshelf. Both are titled HITLER. In big, bold capital letters. Suddenly, the sexy appeal of the photo somehow disappears. I send him as well a polite message saying I am afraid I'm not interested and leave it at that. Next profile photo I look at, I will check out the background before the guy.