Gay dating apps: Which one to use?
If you want to meet someone of the same sex - for just some fun or something more serious - there are lots of apps to choose from. So which ones do you use? Here is a handy guide.
"I thought tinder was just for straight people" I hear a lot. Well here is news for you. It's not. There are plenty of guys on Tinder who are looking for other guys.
Grindr is the granddaddy of all the apps. It has a reputation for being the go-to-app for guys wanting hookups and nothing else. The electronic version of a sleazy cruising ground, if you like. But you should look again. Out of all the apps it's on Grindr I have made new friends. It's also where I found some guys I hooked up with (but came to the conclusion it was not for me).
Grindr is a grid-based app and shows you guys as tiles in a grid, sorted by distance from left to right. Each tile shows a profile name and usually a photo. Tap on it to check out the profile and if you are interested, send a message. A green dot indicates if the user is currently online, and the profile also shows when the user was last seen. The grid updates automatically every few minutes. Guys who have moved their location will shift to another position in the grid and be replaced by others who are nearer to you now. The same happens if you move about, the grid will automatically update and always sort by distance relative to your location.
This app is miles ahead when it comes to so many things. It's trans-friendly. It lets you specify your last HIV test and status, and sets a reminder for your next HIV test. Tinder for example has none of this. All grid-based apps allow you to set a filter to include and exclude attributes of guys you are interested in. Without a paid subscription you can filter on age, tribes and what the user is looking for (chat, right now, relationship etc.). If you pay, you can select from a whole range of attributes such as height, position, body type and somewhat controversially - ethnicity (black, white, mixed etc.).
On Grindr it's all about your profile name. It says who you are and what you are looking for. "Dad for lad" and "Well hung guy" sums it up. You know what they are looking for.
Grindr caters for every category and that is it's appeal. It makes it easy to chat to other guys and you can be completely anonymous if you like and not have a photo or anything in your bio. Like all the other apps there is a strict policy on profile photos - no nudes or even sexually suggestive. But once you chat in private with someone you are free to exchange any photos.
It's true a lot of guys on Grindr are just after a bit of "fun". But don't be shy and message anyone you like. Chances are they want fun...but are also looking for a boyfriend or just a new friend. You don't have anything to lose and if you don't hear anything back - they are just not interested.
Grindr now lets you explore other locations and you can search for guys along your commute to work or where you will be next on vacation. If you like someone you can chat straight away and get to know them before you arrive.
You may see a peach, or aubergine, or a diamond. Over the years a whole subset of icons and emojis have been adopted by users to signify what they are after. An aubergine for example means they either have, or want a large ding dong. A diamond that they are available for monetary compensation. A peach that they have a bubble butt. It's confusing at first but you will get into it.
There are also some amusing aspects of the app. I find the number of photos taken in some public bathroom amazing. Or some guy wants to appear sexy and shows off his nice body...but it sort of backfires when you see the pile of smelly socks and underwear on his bed in the background. Sorry guys - it's not sexy at all. And probably says something about you not being the most tidy person.
Most of the action on Grindr takes place on weekends and late at night. With the exception of the student who wanted to have some fun before his morning lectures! Interesting way to start your day.
All the apps impede the user experience in one way or another if you don't subscribe. Grindr does this well so if you don't subscribe it's still great to use. The grid will only show the 50 closest guys but that is usually OK.
Messaging is good and you can send voice notes to each other. The most common problem seems to be that users don't get notification of new messages that you send. Without a subscription you can't see if they have read your message.
Privacy
Be aware that Grindr has come under fire many times for not protecting its users well enough. For a while it was possible to find a pretty accurate location of a user through its Application Programming Interfaces. This loophole has now been closed. But in Jan 2020 the Norwegian Consumer Council fired off heavy criticism to Grindr accusing it of very liberally sharing personal information with its network of advertisers. Their report "uncovers how every time we use apps, hundreds of shadowy entities are receiving personal data about our interests, habits, and behaviour. This information is used to profile consumers, which can be used for targeted advertising, but may also lead to discrimination, manipulation and exploitation."
Started as a hobby and later developed by a German company, Planet Romeo has like Grindr been around for a long time and is still going strong. Popular in the DACH area, Eastern Europe and parts of Asia, it's grid-based like Grindr and seems very similar. It's less geared towards casual hookups than Grindr and allows you to present more information about yourself.
You can browse guys in a grid, look up their profiles and chat with them straight away. Unique to this app is that you can leave a "footprint" on the users profile. Grindr allows you to "tap" a user, to poke them and let them know you might be interested. Planet Romeo lets you go one step further and leave feedback to your profile such as "great smile" or "very hot".
It also has a neat feature where you can sort users in the grid by New (new user on the app), Distance (relative to you) or Activity (when they last opened the app). Setting to New is handy - it will show you all new users in your location since you last opened the app.
The app also unusually allows you to do video calls with other users. I think this is a great feature for safety and allows you to easily check out the other guy before you go meet.
You can filter profiles based on parameters such as role, age range, orientation etc. As with Grindr you get more filter options if you subscribe. Still, like Grindr, Planet Romeo is still very usable even if you don't subscribe.
Each app tends to be popular with a certain audience. It breaks down like this:
| APP |
TYPICAL USERS |
LIMITATIONS ON FREE TIER |
|---|---|---|
| Grindr |
All ages and categories, 98% are looking for just hookups, global reach | Must view ads, basic filters, limit in number of users displayed |
| Tinder |
All ages and categories, many guys who want to hide they are looking for another guy |
No rewind, limited likes, no super likes, can't see likes |
| Hornet |
All ages and categories, all about looks | User display limit |
| Jack’d |
Mostly black users in the North America | |
| Scruff |
Mostly mature men/daddies, popular in the US | |
| Taimi |
Mostly younger, quite focused on those who are looking for something more than a hookup | Max number of interactions per day |
| Bumble |
Everyone |
Can't see likes |
| Daddyhunt |
Daddies | |
| Badoo | Everyone, mostly guys wanting hookups but bit more "serious" than Grindr | Can't see likes |
| Planet Romeo |
Everyone, but popular in Central Europe and Asia | No ads, basic filters |
| Blued | Everyone, only available in parts of Asia where it's very popular |
You will find some guys on several of these apps, while some guys are only ever on one app. So, if you are looking for someone - hedge your bets and register on all the apps you like. You need to market yourself and by just doing this on one platform you potentially miss out on all the other guys you could meet.
"Gay" apps vs "straight" apps
On some apps, you can hide your real preferences. You would be surprised how many guys say they are straight on their profile but in reality it's other men they are after. On Tinder for example, you may say you are a man and then select "show me men". When you do that, you will see other men who have also said they want other men. Only you know what you selected, it does not say anywhere on your profile that you are gay. If a friend was to see your profile on Tinder they would not be able to tell what you are looking for and many guys seem to just pretend they are looking for girls when in reality they are not.
Generally, apps like Romeo, Grindr and Hornet are overtly gay apps and if you are on these...it's clear to everyone what you are. Tinder, Badoo and meet.me on the other hand are used by lots of straight people so if you are on them - no one will notice.
Notifications
One of the biggest annoyances of these apps is that the user may not be notified of your message. If you don't hear back it may be because he's just not interested but equally it can be because he never got the notification of a new message on his phone. In some cases you won't get notifications of new messages until you have actively opened the app on your phone. So be patient and don't despair, if you don't get a response it may simply be because he did not
"Gay" apps vs "straight" apps
On some apps, you can hide your real preferences. You would be surprised how many guys say they are straight on their profile but in reality it's other men they are after. On Tinder for example, you may say you are a man and then select "show me men". When you do that, you will see other men who have also said they want other men. Only you know what you selected, it does not say anywhere on your profile that you are gay. If a friend was to see your profile on Tinder they would not be able to tell what you are looking for and many guys seem to just pretend they are looking for girls when in reality they are not.
Generally, apps like Romeo, Grindr and Hornet are overtly gay apps and if you are on these...it's clear to everyone what you are. Tinder, Badoo and meet.me on the other hand are used by lots of straight people so if you are on them - no one will notice.
Notifications
One of the biggest annoyances of these apps is that the user may not be notified of your message. If you don't hear back it may be because he's just not interested but equally it can be because he never got the notification of a new message on his phone. In some cases you won't get notifications of new messages until you have actively opened the app on your phone. So be patient and don't despair, if you don't get a response it may simply be because he did not
TINDER
If you go on Grindr...well your intentions are pretty clear. You are looking for another guy. But on Tinder, things are different. First, it's more "safe". It has a reputation for being for straight people. So, if your mates find out you are on Tinder...not a problem. You are just looking for some girl, like them. You see, you on Tinder you don't say which gender you are looking for on your profile. Nor does it say anything about you being gay or straight (or anywhere in between). Tinder simply asks you if you want to see men or women. If you select men, it shows you only men and shows your profile to other men. Simple. You can also change this in case your mates get suspicious, in which case your profile card stack will start to feature women and your card won't be shown to guys. Some guys clearly take advantage of this and occasionally change from girls to guys. You may find a guy who states that he is "looking for a nice girl" - but if he shows up in your stack it's pretty clear he is looking for another guy. It's not foolproof though, sometimes
Tinder is a card-stack app that shows you user profiles as a stack of cards that you swipe left (don't like) and right (like). If you swipe right on a guy's card and he swipes right on yours, it's a match and you can chat to each other. This is in contrast to grid-based apps which let you instantly send a message to any user. With Tinder, you will just have to wait and see if you get any matches. You have to be patient.
Tinder doesn't allow you to send any photos in chats. In a way it's a blessing - you won't receive unsolicited photos - but it's also annoying if you want to hookup and want to exchange photos before you do. The solution is to exchange photos, videos etc on snapchat or a similar app.
Once you match with someone it's good form to send them a message and say hi. If things aren't working out you can unmatch them and then they won't be able to message you again. There is no blocking feature, you simply unmatch and then they disappear in your app.
If you want to explore guys in a different area that's easy, you just pick a location on the map and get ready to swipe through guys in that location. The feed of guys in your card stack will change to show guys in your selected location. But: You can't message a guy you like you can only swipe and indicate you like him. If he is not swiping in your area as well he will never see your card in his stack, unless he pays and subscribes to their Gold service. He will see your card when you are physically near him, though.
Tinder is all about how you look. There is nowhere to specify your height, weight, and interests. Just a photo and then you can write a short bio (which most people don't read). You can't filter users based on anything else than age and distance. For gay guys it's important to know if the other guy is a top, bottom or versatile but you won't know that on Tinder unless they say in their profile bio or you ask them when you match.
Finally an annoyance you don't see anywhere else: Many guys use a photo of themselves and their mates as a profile photo. Usually when they are out to a party or similar. But they never say which one they are on the photo...so sometimes you have to just guess, or hope for the best!
Tinder is a card-stack app that shows you user profiles as a stack of cards that you swipe left (don't like) and right (like). If you swipe right on a guy's card and he swipes right on yours, it's a match and you can chat to each other. This is in contrast to grid-based apps which let you instantly send a message to any user. With Tinder, you will just have to wait and see if you get any matches. You have to be patient.
Tinder doesn't allow you to send any photos in chats. In a way it's a blessing - you won't receive unsolicited photos - but it's also annoying if you want to hookup and want to exchange photos before you do. The solution is to exchange photos, videos etc on snapchat or a similar app.
Once you match with someone it's good form to send them a message and say hi. If things aren't working out you can unmatch them and then they won't be able to message you again. There is no blocking feature, you simply unmatch and then they disappear in your app.
If you want to explore guys in a different area that's easy, you just pick a location on the map and get ready to swipe through guys in that location. The feed of guys in your card stack will change to show guys in your selected location. But: You can't message a guy you like you can only swipe and indicate you like him. If he is not swiping in your area as well he will never see your card in his stack, unless he pays and subscribes to their Gold service. He will see your card when you are physically near him, though.
Tinder is all about how you look. There is nowhere to specify your height, weight, and interests. Just a photo and then you can write a short bio (which most people don't read). You can't filter users based on anything else than age and distance. For gay guys it's important to know if the other guy is a top, bottom or versatile but you won't know that on Tinder unless they say in their profile bio or you ask them when you match.
Finally an annoyance you don't see anywhere else: Many guys use a photo of themselves and their mates as a profile photo. Usually when they are out to a party or similar. But they never say which one they are on the photo...so sometimes you have to just guess, or hope for the best!
Grindr is a grid-based app and shows you guys as tiles in a grid, sorted by distance from left to right. Each tile shows a profile name and usually a photo. Tap on it to check out the profile and if you are interested, send a message. A green dot indicates if the user is currently online, and the profile also shows when the user was last seen. The grid updates automatically every few minutes. Guys who have moved their location will shift to another position in the grid and be replaced by others who are nearer to you now. The same happens if you move about, the grid will automatically update and always sort by distance relative to your location.
This app is miles ahead when it comes to so many things. It's trans-friendly. It lets you specify your last HIV test and status, and sets a reminder for your next HIV test. Tinder for example has none of this. All grid-based apps allow you to set a filter to include and exclude attributes of guys you are interested in. Without a paid subscription you can filter on age, tribes and what the user is looking for (chat, right now, relationship etc.). If you pay, you can select from a whole range of attributes such as height, position, body type and somewhat controversially - ethnicity (black, white, mixed etc.). On Grindr it's all about your profile name. It says who you are and what you are looking for. "Dad for lad" and "Well hung guy" sums it up. You know what they are looking for.
Grindr caters for every category and that is it's appeal. It makes it easy to chat to other guys and you can be completely anonymous if you like and not have a photo or anything in your bio. Like all the other apps there is a strict policy on profile photos - no nudes or even sexually suggestive. But once you chat in private with someone you are free to exchange any photos.
|
| An interesting proportion of Grindr profile photos are taken....in a public toilet somewhere. |
Grindr now lets you explore other locations and you can search for guys along your commute to work or where you will be next on vacation. If you like someone you can chat straight away and get to know them before you arrive.
You may see a peach, or aubergine, or a diamond. Over the years a whole subset of icons and emojis have been adopted by users to signify what they are after. An aubergine for example means they either have, or want a large ding dong. A diamond that they are available for monetary compensation. A peach that they have a bubble butt. It's confusing at first but you will get into it.
There are also some amusing aspects of the app. I find the number of photos taken in some public bathroom amazing. Or some guy wants to appear sexy and shows off his nice body...but it sort of backfires when you see the pile of smelly socks and underwear on his bed in the background. Sorry guys - it's not sexy at all. And probably says something about you not being the most tidy person.
|
| Before you take that selfie....tidy up! |
Most of the action on Grindr takes place on weekends and late at night. With the exception of the student who wanted to have some fun before his morning lectures! Interesting way to start your day.
All the apps impede the user experience in one way or another if you don't subscribe. Grindr does this well so if you don't subscribe it's still great to use. The grid will only show the 50 closest guys but that is usually OK.
Messaging is good and you can send voice notes to each other. The most common problem seems to be that users don't get notification of new messages that you send. Without a subscription you can't see if they have read your message.
Privacy
Be aware that Grindr has come under fire many times for not protecting its users well enough. For a while it was possible to find a pretty accurate location of a user through its Application Programming Interfaces. This loophole has now been closed. But in Jan 2020 the Norwegian Consumer Council fired off heavy criticism to Grindr accusing it of very liberally sharing personal information with its network of advertisers. Their report "uncovers how every time we use apps, hundreds of shadowy entities are receiving personal data about our interests, habits, and behaviour. This information is used to profile consumers, which can be used for targeted advertising, but may also lead to discrimination, manipulation and exploitation."
PLANET ROMEO
You can browse guys in a grid, look up their profiles and chat with them straight away. Unique to this app is that you can leave a "footprint" on the users profile. Grindr allows you to "tap" a user, to poke them and let them know you might be interested. Planet Romeo lets you go one step further and leave feedback to your profile such as "great smile" or "very hot".
It also has a neat feature where you can sort users in the grid by New (new user on the app), Distance (relative to you) or Activity (when they last opened the app). Setting to New is handy - it will show you all new users in your location since you last opened the app.
The app also unusually allows you to do video calls with other users. I think this is a great feature for safety and allows you to easily check out the other guy before you go meet.
You can filter profiles based on parameters such as role, age range, orientation etc. As with Grindr you get more filter options if you subscribe. Still, like Grindr, Planet Romeo is still very usable even if you don't subscribe.
APP TIPS
- Deleting the app from your phone does not delete your account on the app!
- To delete your account you must delete it from within the installed app
- Some apps such as Grindr allow you to back up your chats and media, so even if you delete the app or change phones you will still have all your chats and photos.
- Be clear about what you want and need in your profile. The more concrete you are the better the chances of meeting a good match.
- Above all, please stay safe! Protect your safety and health!
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