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Help! I Married a Narcissist!

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I really thought I had met the one . I married him. I thought we would be so happy together. Little did I know our seemingly happy relationship was to be destroyed by a deep dark secret, and I would be the subject of torment and emotional pain for years to come. The hotel room where I first met Lwanda. July 2015. How it all began: The website advert. July, 2015 .   Cold, still so very tired from my jetlag, and  The first few messages on WhatsApp. July 2015. hungry I stumble out on the balcony of my hotel room in Amanzimtoti, near Durban in South Africa. It's winter but the sun is still shining, warming my cold body. Somehow wishing I wasn't so jetlagged from my travels to the US the week before, I go back into my room, make a cup of coffee and take my laptop out on the balcony. Travelling on business to South Africa, I decided to take a detour afterwards and ge
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The Proximity Conundrum

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 In a recent post published on LinkedIn Grindr CEO George Arison boasted that "Grindr actively chooses not to give information about our users to third-party partners—even if that means fewer ad dollars" . It seems a bit rich, considering Grindr's pretty chequered past when it comes to privacy. I guess the sudden focus on privacy stems from Grindr's stock market float, putting them under more scrutiny to operate in a different way than they used to now they are a publicly traded company and responsible to the markets and their shareholders. Arison conveniently neglected to mention that Grindr was given a massive $6m fine by the Norwegian Data Inspectorate a few years ago - for failing to protect the privacy of their users. In 2022 the UK Information Commissioner's office issued Grindr with a reprimand, believing Grindr had infringed GDPR Regulations at the time. The UK Solicitors firm Austen Hays currently have a pending group claim stating that "Grindr ap
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Deleting the app does not delete your data or your profile!

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Have you ever deleted a dating app from your phone? Out of sight, out of mind, right? Wrong. Deleting an app only uninstalls it from your phone. It does not delete your data. Or your profile. Consider logging out instead! After some years on the dating app scene I have noticed people saying they would be "deleting soon". Some users have told me they have deleted the app and then reinstalled it, hundreds of times.  I probably have to spell it out: It may seem  like things are gone when you tap that delete option but it just deletes it from your phone and none of the dating apps prompt you to also delete your profile on the server. Obviously they have no incentive to either. I think that is a problem in itself - what if you were prompted to either log out instead, or delete the app and your data on the server? Since all your data remains intact it also means people will be able to see your profile on the app. If you really do not want to use the app anymore most apps have a fe
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The Power of Distractions

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Has your marriage or relationship ended abruptly? Have you recently lost someone? PTSD? Trauma? Narcissist discard or simply abandoned when you were in a marriage or relationship? Then what you need is to be distracted .  There are plenty of videos and blogs about how to temporarily distract yourself for a few seconds or minutes if you feel panicked or anxious. It works. What they don't tell you is that longer distractions also work wonders! Distractions will help you heal.  So what do you do?  Distract yourself or let yourself be distracted!  Call in help from friends, colleagues, family - let them distract you and temporarily relieve your mind of what happened to you. Maybe now is the time to reconnect with old friends as well? A distraction is  not an escape.  Y our memories, trauma and experiences will come with you wherever you go. They won't suddenly go away! You should do do anything that temporarily switches your thoughts to other things than your trauma.
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